私「いつも手伝って下さってありがとう。感謝してるわ」
ぼく きみ たす
M先生「僕だってずいぶん君に助けられてるよ。持ちつ持たれつだね」
Mochitsu Motaretsu
Watashi: Itsumo tetsudatte kudasatte arigatoo. Kansha shiteiru wa.
M sensei; Boku datte zuibun kimi ni tasukerareteru yo. Mochitsu motaretsu da ne.
Me: Thanks for always helping me out. I really appreciate it.
Teacher M: But I've been helped by you so much. It's just a case of give and take.
* * *
Mochitsu motaretsu refers to two people helping each other out. In Japanese society, when you express thanks to someone who has done something for you, you often hear the reply, "Otagaisama. Mochitsu motaretsu desukara" ("The feeling's mutual. It's all a matter of give and take anyway"). Behind this way of thinking is the desire to show consideration for the feelings of others, i.e., "Don't feel burdened by what I've done. Some time it'll be your turn to help me out."
In countries like Japan where there is a strong sense of group consciousness, it is often the case that one is warm and kind to the members of one's group and cold to anyone outside it. In this regard, the university world is no different. I'm the only one in the Department of Japanese at Yamaguchi National University. Since I'm also a newcomer, there are many things I'm not very clear about. Generally speaking, the other teachers are kind, but they do have a tendency to give me little advice above and beyond what might be considered absolutely necessary. In all of this, you don't know how happy I've been to have teacher M around. He's gone out of his way to give me advice. When I worry because I'm always receiving his help and am never able to do anything in return, he, says, "Never mind about that. Kore kara mo mochitsu motaretsu de ikoo yo (Let's continue to have a give and take relationship)." I was so happy to hear this.
Please note that this expression is only used by people who are planning to do something for someone else and can't be used by people on the receiving end. For example, imagine a meeting where, though everyone else is against one of the members (A) who's been put in a tight spot, there's one person (B) who supports him. After the meeting, A says, "Thank you for helping me out there. Thanks to you, it worked out," to which B replies, "Don't worry about it. Next time it'll be your turn to help me. Kaigi no seki de wa mochitsu motaretsu de ikimashoo" (In the meetings let's help each other. You know, "give and take"). Saying this will make A feel a sense of obligation (giri). Though, mochitsu motaretsu can thus get caught up in the world of giri ninjoo, it is actually more often used in conversations of a lighter nature.
Two friends go for a drive. One can drive but doesn't have any money. Mr. A: "I'll drive and you pay for the gas." Miss B: "Sure. Otagai ni mochitsu motaretsu de tanoshii ryokoo wo shimashoo" (You give a little and I'll give a little and let's have a fun trip"). Helping each other out in this way, the two have a nice trip. Kono futari wa mochitsu motaretsu no totenio yoi kankei desu (These two have a really nice "give and take relationship").