母親：（息子に怒ってどなる）いつまで遊んでるの。早く勉強始めなさい。
父親：そんなに態るとかえって逆効果だよ。もっと、やさしく言ってみたら？
Gyaku-kooka
Mother: (Musuko ni okotte donaru) Itsumade asondeiru no? Hayaku benkyo hajimenasai.
Father: Sonna ni okoru to kaette gyaku-kooka da yo. Motto, yasashiku ittemitara?
Mother: (Shouting in anger to her son) You're still fooling around? Hurry up and start your studying.
Father: Getting angry like that might boomerang, you know. Try and be a bit more gentle with him.
As the Chinese characters indicate, gyaku-kooka refers to 'a contrary result,' to something turning out opposite to one's expectations.
We humans are a bit pathetic ; the higher our hopes, the less capable we are of keeping our mouths shut.
Before we know it we've said or done too much and things end up backfiring on us. I'm reminded of the fairy tale about the north wind and the sun.
It's a cold winter day. A traveler walks bundled up in a coat. Seeing this, the north wind and the sun begin to talk. "Let's see which of us can make the traveler take off his coat," said the north wind. The north wind directs a powerful cold wind upon the traveler and tries to blow the coat off. The traveler, however, only feels colder and so draws the coat around his body even more. It's the sun's turn. He bathes the traveler in hots rays of sunshine. "It's so hot," cries the traveler. "I don't need this coat any more." Kita kaze no shita koto wa, kaette gyaku-kooka datta no desu (The north wind's actions were self-defeating and produced a contrary result).
Can we say the same about this week's conversation? Why does the mother have to urge her son to "Study, study" as if he were a stubborn animal instead of a human being? It's because (I suspect) he has so much homework to do. And then there are the entrance examinations. And she doesn't want him to drop out of the 'race.' There are so many reasons. The more she shouts at him, though, the more he'll come to dislike studying. Sore wa, gyaku-kooka ni shika narimasen yo (It will just boomerang).
My first daughter was born when I was 24. Worried that she wasn't drinking enough milk, I remember continually holding a bottle to her mouth. The result? She completely stopped drinking milk. This bitter experience led me to decide not to force anything on my children. "You don't want to study? Then you can play." Interestingly, this daughter now loves to read and study. She seems to read a new book everyday.
Gyaku-kooka wo neratta wake de wa nai no desu ga...(I hadn't particularly been aiming to have things turn out this way but...).
It's so hard to be the 'sun' toward my students and colleagues, but I always try to keep the fairy tale in mind; being like the sun is a daily goal.